Cock Block 2008

I’d rather not insult the intelligence of myself or of any party that reads this letter with convoluted verbiage and obtuse metaphors for our dedication to the poultry days tournament and experience, by insinuating through my careful manipulation of the English language that I can sway the god giving freewill of another person in to justifying a particular decision that may be counterintuitive to moral or ethical dilemma in their community, country, or after-life, as to not cheapen the human experience that is coherent human thought and shit.

Here are the facts:

1) That nice family that lives behind our campsite promised us a karaoke party on Saturday night, it was someone’s birthday party last year and they invited us. This was quite the step up from letting us use their hose.
2) I already bought a plane ticket, and I’d rather not just go to Indianapolis because I think the Colts are awesome, which I don’t, Go Broncos.
3) Some persons on our team only answer to one of the following: Brother, Jiz, Creature, Radio, Peterhead, Pledge, Girth, Crabigail, Scotty the Body, Pizza, Ech, Beverly
4) I already bought a new tent, my old one smelt like cat pee.
5) The team roster may be too large, feats of strength and dedication are being held next Tuesday at 4:00 am at the dumpster behind Cici’s Pizza at 84th and Sheridan in Westminster, CO to make the appropriate cuts.
6) I haven’t eaten a chicken dinner in almost a year.
7) We asked the Jake Plummer to be on our team. For those of you that don’t know he was the Probowl quarter back of your Denver Broncos, I’m assuming he’ll definitely come. We’ll hang out together, toss the pigskin a little bit, he’ll say I throw the football way better then he does, he’ll call Mike Shanahan, tell him about me, and I’ll start for the Broncos next season.
8) I tire of the mountains, they’re all tall and hard to drive up, they’re overrated if you ask me and they make the air thin and hard to breath. I’m in need of some flat land and muggy air.
9) Go Buckeyes!!!!!

Thank you and we would love to come to your tournament again this year.

Cock Block 2008